A happy ending for an old story

Fight Matadors, for Tech
There is an old Mac Davis song entitled "Texas in my Rearview Mirror" and the chorus is that he thought happiness was Lubbock, Texas, in his rearview mirror--that he just wanted to grow up and get out of that dusty little town.

Funny, because for so long, it was just where I wanted to be.

Songs of love we'll sing to thee
We went to Lubbock this weekend for the Texas Tech Homecoming game. As we were driving there, it occurred to me that the first Tech football game I attended was 15 years ago. There was a boy from my hometown who was a sophomore at Tech--whenever he'd come home, we'd go out on dates, and this being the era before e-mail and cell phones, we wrote frequent letters and made occasional phone calls in the other times. This boy invited me, along with my family, to come to Lubbock for a football game. My parents agreed (much to my surprise and delight) and we chose a weekend in October when my sister Amy was running in a cross country meet in Lubbock.

Bear our banners, far and wide
He picked me up from the cross country meet and we spent the day together in Lubbock. I was all of 16 years old (but almost 17 so I thought I was so grown-up) and just thought it was the coolest thing to be on the Tech campus with a college boy. I'm sure I was hoping that no one would realize I was just a junior in high school and trying to play it so cool. He showed me all around campus--I had a rather eye-opening experience at his dorm--and at the game, I sat in the student section with him. I remember being amazed at the crowd and the band--just taking it all in. It was just where I wanted to be and I started imagining a future at Tech and with this boy.

Ever to be our pride
We went to a game the next year as well. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and while I don't remember the opponent, I do remember that I have never been colder. It was a wet, cold, windy day and we spent most of the first half facing one endzone because then our backs were to the wind. (We, along with most of the faithful, left at halftime.) Since I was now an ever-so-adult 18, the boy took me out dancing and then we went to a real-live college party. I can still remember telling one of the friends that I while I might be in high school, I wasn't an idiot after he told me that it was OK to eat the fruit from the trash can punch.

And then the boy broke my heart. He told me that he'd met a girl and he wanted to make it more serious--that she might just be "the one." We'd always had a very curious open relationship--both of us dated other people but they had never been "serious." It was just crushing to hear that he thought this girl was someone worth ending whatever strange little thing we had going. Not even two weeks earlier, I'd sat with him as he cried after his father's funeral. I was ready for us to be "serious." I wanted to be the one. I was sending in college applications and Tech was at the top of my list. Because of him.

Fearless champions ever be
I cried the entire four hour trip home. I decided not to go to Tech the following fall. I decided to move on.

When he came home at Christmas, he admitted that he and "the one" had broken up. Seems she just wanted to get laid. And so did he. But that wasn't much to build a relationship on. We dated a bit again after that, but he'd really hurt me. I know now I was just a child when we started dating, despite however old I felt at 16, but I'd really believed that we would have a "grown-up" relationship when I went to college. That we could be more than whatever we were when we were apart. I admit I was scheming to marry this boy (but everyone else in town was having the same thoughts as well, including him).

That one football weekend changed everything that would finally bring me to this point in my life.

Stand on heights of victory
I chose to go to North Texas in the fall (well, my mother didn't give me much choice when I'd decided I'd changed my mind about Tech in May). I met another boy who I ended up dating for two years, although that mostly became a lesson in what I *didn't* want in a relationship. I did transfer to Tech at the start of my sophomore year and I saw the boy from time to time on campus (he'd "extended" his senior year by a semester). We became friends again. We even dated a bit the summer between my sophomore and junior year. But I just couldn't do it again. Too much time had passed. Too much had changed between us.

Strive for honor, evermore
But something very good did come out of that relationship--that boy introduced me to the one I married. He and Paul had been great friends as undergrads and he introduced us because he thought we'd be friends. Before he left for graduate school in Michigan, he tried to make Paul and I promise that we wouldn't date--neither of us would because we just couldn't imagine that happening.

I made Paul call him two months later when we started dating. He wasn't thrilled (OK, he was really, really angry with me but not Paul for whatever reason) but he wasn't surprised. He was in our wedding four years later. Sadly, he committed suicide a couple of years ago due to severe depression and a wife who didn't support his efforts to get the medical help he needed to deal with it. I often wonder what would have happened if that one weekend 14 years ago had gone differently. I wouldn't change my life now, except to have that boy still be a part of it.

But from time to time, I do wonder.

Long live the Matadors!
So, here I am some 15 years later in a completely different place (literally--Albuquerque? what's up with that?) than what I'd envisioned my future would hold. I'm not nearly as self-assured or as smart at that 16-almost 17!-year-old girl. But I am much happier with who I am and what my life holds. And I also know (at least, I'm learning) that no amount of planning can ever be as wonderful as just letting the future take us where it will.

Part of the happy ending--pictures from this weekend:


Abigail and Benjamin play with the new Little People toy we brought them. Abigail kept running into her room for "more peoples!" to put on the LP ferris wheel. Benjamin turned one on September 29.
Pregame (and probably the best part of the game)--the band takes the field.
We were right next to the tunnel, which meant we were surrounded by tons of little boys wanting to see the players and maybe, just maybe, get a high-five from them.
Band+ cheerleaders+Saddle Tramps+media+players+random other people = on field pregame madness
After spotting Missouri 21 points, Tech finally scores a touchdown just before the half.
Our friends Karen and Chris with their little girl, Kelly.
Amy and David with the new foam gun for Abigail, who has a collection of foam fingers (when you wear one, you have to say "Woohoo!")
Yep, Paul was still sick and probably shouldn't have been at the game but he insisted.
The band at halftime.
Kelly gets her guns up. We said it would be a shame if in 16 years, she says she's going to A&M.
The Masked Rider roaming the sidelines.
After halftime the team runs back on the field. Tech ended up losing to Missouri 38-21. Boo.