Day 7: Thinking

I read an interesting article on Slate entitled Does Religion Make You Nice? I suggest you follow the link and read the article for yourself as it makes some interesting points. Essentially, the end findings are that it is really the feeling that you belong to a community that makes one happy. The last paragraph had a little tweak to it that got me to thinking.

I've always kept my faith and beliefs pretty low-key, on here and in real life. It's not because I'm not proud of being a Christian and I'm willing to stand up for what I believe in. I think it perhaps is more that I worry I will be viewed as preachy and judgmental and exclusive and generally not very nice, kind of what that last paragraph eludes to. I also tend to take a bit more of a live and let live approach to being a Christian because of those people I've personally met who are preachy and judgmental and exclusive and not very nice and LOUDLY Christian. They make *me* cringe so I can only imagine what others think. It reminds me of the Gandhi quote, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I think if I turn one person off to Christianity, I've done more harm than the good I might do if I get a whole host of people to join the church. It's probably not the best method for being a witness and there are probably those who are reading this and cringing that I admitted that but I hope people do know that I am a Christian by my words and actions. And while I try for that, I know I often fall short. I've groused too much about people in my life and I know this place often becomes more about venting than anything else. I gossip more than I should. I curse too much. I don't always eat right and exercise. Because in the end, I'm a very, very fallible human. But I keep working at being better and correcting those bad habits of mine despite all the stumbles and roadblocks along the way.

I do write things that I never post because I don't want to open the situation up to discussion and because I know it doesn't present either the people, the situation, or the topic in a good light. Oftentimes, it is when I'm at my most frustrated and most vulnerable (and probably exhibiting my least Christian behavior). I do try to keep this a true representation of who I am and I do post some of those things along with the mindless blathering. I hope I've been successful in achieving a balance--that if you didn't know me beforehand but only through this place and then met me, you'd just say, "Yep, that's the Carrie I've read." I keep comments open on all posts because I know I need a good shake some days and to be told to get over myself. Thankfully most people are gracious and thoughtful when telling me what an idiot I'm being.

I do agree with the idea that being part of a community makes you nicer. I started this little blog three years ago. I actually had another one for about two days before I started this one but I didn't like the name so I deleted it and the Blue-eyed Bookworm was born. There was no real reason for starting this place other than to have a place to dither on about rather pointless things, muse about current events, and share a little glimpse of what was happening in my world. I had friends who had blogs and read some more well-known ones. I never wanted to achieve great fame or wealth with this place. I never promised it would be interesting, just as my life gets pretty routine and boring. It was just a chance to reach out to my personal community of friends and family, few of whom live here in ABQ. I've tried to remain relatively private on things. I use first names and places (rarely changed to protect the innocent) but I've tried to never mention our last name or other easy identifiers such as the name of my school. I guess if someone really wanted to screw with me, they could based on information I've written but hopefully, they won't. I try not to write too much about work or the students because I would hate to have this come back to bite me. Yes, there is the occasional post about it but usually if I write something, it isn't posted.

I told Paul and my mom and sisters almost immediately about this spot. I wouldn't have done so had the entire thing been private and unavailable to the world at large, like my journals I wrote in years ago. However, since it was available to anyone, I let them know so it couldn't ever come back to haunt me. Paul knows about the place and much of what I write but rarely, if ever, stops by to read it. My mom and sisters are probably my most regular readers. Over the course of time, I let other friends and family know about this place so that they could keep up with the doings of Paul and Carrie. A couple of other friends found this place via my Facebook page. Because it is out there, I've made some other friends who've stopped by and stuck around. Some I "know" better than others as they leave comments for me and I read their own blogs; some I only know about because I see the IP addresses come up regularly on the Sitemeter. But my little community has grown as has the list of blogs I read as more family members and friends have started their own little places. That makes me happy which, I think, makes for a much nicer me.