The stages of grief

Perhaps denial (the first stage) was that Granny's death wasn't bothering me that much--that I was fine and everything was OK. And I definitely moved on past that one at a full-on sprint to the second stage of anger when I found myself yelling at my husband yesterday evening because he wasn't properly concerned about the fact that our refrigerator has quit working. Nevermind that I didn't even give him a chance to process what I'd just told him--I just started yelling about you don't care and I'm going to the store to get ice because we have a load of groceries in the freezer and it's melting and you don't care and I'll just do it myself and the DAMN THING'S BROKEN AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE. Misplaced anger, perhaps? (The sobbing that followed most definitely wasn't about the fridge.)

I'm much sadder than I thought I would be or even realized I was until last night's meltdown. Since moving to ABQ, I've only seen Granny and Granddad a couple of times a year. I didn't realize how important those times I saw her actually were to me.

The funeral service was really nice and there were loads of lovely floral arrangements. Everyone behaved themselves--no great wailing or scenes were made (and we were all a little worried about one aunt doing just that). There was just an appropriate amount of crying done by all. Rather than a eulogy by the preacher, there was a photo montage of Granny's life--snapshots of her and her family throughout the years--a nice look at a lady who seemed to enjoy her life and the people in it. Not all the pictures were relevant to everyone but we could all appreciate different ones. I choked up when I saw the picture of Granny and Granddad at my wedding--they were both smiling and looked so happy. Granny told me later in the afternoon after our wedding that she was so happy she was able to be there because she did enjoy our weddings. I was happy she was there because they are my grandparents and I wanted them to be there for that reason. I didn't take anything from the house as a memento except the wedding photo of us with Granny and Granddad--Granny looks like I want to remember her. The photo in our wedding album is the only two of them so I'm glad to have this one, too. There another item or two I thought about asking for--little things I remembered from their house as I was growing up but I think one of my aunts has licked everything in the house to claim it for herself. I might ask at another time if I see the items still there on another visit. In the meantime, it just didn't seem worth going there with this aunt at the house. (She's not a very congenial person under the best of circumstances and she's being even more rotten to everyone now.)

On Sunday, Mom, Dad, and I went over to visit with Granddad at his house. He's doing OK--as good as can be expected when your wife of 62 years dies. On Sunday, he said the two dogs seemed a little sad since they just stick with him all the time. I told him I think we're all a little sad, not just the dogs.

There were some good times over the weekend--I think that's what a gathering like this should be. Everyone can cry and be sad because we had to bury someone we all loved but also enjoy and celebrate of the family we still have. And I'll post those pictures and more about that later.