That time of the year

There is definitely something about this time of year that makes me overwhelmingly cranky. It's cold. It's windy. It's overcast. And the warmer, sunny days merely lull one into thinking winter might be nearly over only to get a whammy of cold weather the next day. Even yesterday's snow day did nothing to lift my spirits. I'm tired of it being cold and having to wear my coat and bulky layers. I'm tired of my job and the isolation I often feel because I'm a department of one. I'm tired of working to find books that support the curriculum only to have teachers tell me that they'll just have their classes use Google. I'm tired of trying to show teachers how to use library resources only to have them tell me that they don't want to learn and they'll just use Google. I'm tired of being a "go-to" person for extracurricular things and not being compensated for not saying no. I'm tired of not being able to say no. I'm tired of feeling like I'm left out of the proverbial loop all the time. (But as a total aside in this rant, I looked up "proverbial" on answers.com and in Dutch, the word is spreekwoordelijk. That makes me feel a little better.) I'm tired of Paul working so many hours and being so stressed. I'm tired of his self-centered coworkers who are adding to the stress by threatening to quit in the middle of projects. I'm tired of feeling like I can't do anything to help him. I'm tired of my life being on hold because he is under such stress and works so many hours. I'm tired of always looking on the bright side of things.

I know that I'm so blessed and fortunate in so many ways in my life--house, car, health, husband, friends, etc., etc.--and I'm not discounting any of that. I simply need to wallow for a while and I could probably use a good cry as well. A good long cry that has no real purpose but cleanses the soul even if it does leave me snubbing at the end.

And another day off would be good, as well:

moar funny pictures

Filling in a blue funk

I'm in a bit of a blue funk right now--still not feeling 100%, tired of the multitude of meetings at work, tired of work, etc., etc. It's nothing big--just a bunch of little things compounded by the fact that I'm not sleeping well because I don't feel well. I've debated taking a mental health day but between meetings I should be attending at work and professional development days when I won't be in school at least one day a week between now and Nov. 9, I don't feel like I should take the time to myself. :::sigh::: So, instead I'm going to wallow here for a bit.

We had a meeting today of the monthly professional development group that I facilitate. The principal has asked that I call to report who isn't in attendance at the meeting so the people who should be at a professional development day actually are or are charged appropriately for the time. When I called to say that one of the people wasn't at the meeting, the secretary asked me about coworker #1 (from last week) because the principal had overheard #1 saying she wouldn't be at the meeting in the morning. She wasn't at the meeting at that time and when asked if I knew why, I told the secretary I'd heard #1 had a doctor's appointment. I offered no other explanation but yet, I still find myself second-guessing my actions. I don't want to cause #1 any more hurt but there are expectations in my position as group leader. Which would include reporting staff absences from this meeting time. I didn't spill any beans but I'm still feeling crummy about the possiblity of it. Or maybe I'm just feeling crummy.

I'm also questioning my ability to lead this group. Maybe I'm really stepping too far outside of my comfort zone to do this. Or maybe it's not my comfort zone--it's more my ability zone. I don't know if I have the right temperament or personality to continue to do this. I sometimes feel like my ass is just flapping in the wind out there. I don't think I've communicated with the group what my expectations of the members are--what, exactly, it is that they should be doing as group members. And that really is my fault because as the group leader, I should have done that. But this can't be a successful group without the active participation of each member. It isn't possible to be passive and be in this group but too many just seem to be hanging out, taking it all in. We had a really good day today--I just don't know if it's what I should be doing. I just don't think I command (or demand) the respect that is necessary in a position like this.

But while I figure that all out, here are a few more favorites from Amy and her family's visit last weekend. Abigail had the camera in the car on the way home from the balloons. Those are her feet, a picture of the sky, and her positioning of her bear in front of the balloons Abigail and Benjamin got at the Balloon Fiesta from one of the booths. I think she has a future in photography. If nothing else, she's probably already met/surpassed my own skills as a photographer.


Last year at Christmas, much to Abigail's delight, "Silly Uncle Paul" went down the stairs. ON HIS BOTTOM. It was, apparently, the craziest thing Abigail had seen up to that point in her life. Now, Uncle Paul is still expected to ALWAYS go down the stairs on his bottom. Again and again and again. (And while he wasn't thrilled about repeatedly going up and down the stairs with the kids, I love this picture of them.)
Watching pizzas be made at Dion's. Abigail was very impressed that they throw the dough up in the air.
Benjamin plays with the building planks at Explora! Children's Museum.
I know this contraption has a name beyond the "air tube thingy blowing up balls thingy" but I can't think of it.
More in the air/wind portion of Explora. There were pegs that went into holes and air was blowing up through them and the air-pressure increased. Um, yeah. Abigail wasn't that interested either. She did enjoy using the magnet to pull out the metal pegs.
Well, if he wasn't going to sleep in his bed (which he wasn't doing), this would work too.
See how Jub is favoring his left paw? That's the limping paw. He'll start to favor it and limp when he feels like he's been mistreated, embarrassed, etc. He limped quite a bit during the Balloon Fiesta week.