Monday, November 5: Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)
There's an art to staying connected with the people who are important to you. You know who your top-five priority relationships are, but it helps to list them.
I'm rarely one to check the daily horoscopes in the newspaper as most of the time it's some generic "Someone new will enter your life" or "Look for exciting things to happen" type of mumbo-jumbo. But being at a loss for today's Terribly Interesting Post, I thought I'd check the horoscopes and comment on the absurdity of it.
But this one doesn't seem to absurd. In fact, I thought this was actually rather interesting and it caused me to start thinking. Who are the top-five priority relationships in my life? Do I have to list names or can it be a generic "Grandparents" which would encompass four people? And if I really think about it, would I include them on my list? Being a dutiful granddaughter, I know I should. I know I need to cultivate these relationships and stay better connected than I do because at my age, it's a blessing to have all of my grandparents still living. But would they be on my top priority relationships list out of a sense of loyalty or because I honestly feel that way? Can I make it a Top 10 list to get everyone included that I think needs to be? Can I generically lump people together like "Grandparents" and "In-laws" and "Sisters"? Am I over-thinking this entire thing? (I think I know the answer to that last one.)
I know who the first person on my list should be and I'd put him there without question.
I was recently reading through posts I wrote last year, back when Paul and I weren't speaking and the continuation of our marriage had come into question. It was painful and I'm not sure why I kept reading. I did skip over some things I'd written because I knew how bad things were at the time and how angry I was when I wrote them (most of these weren't published, by the way). I was still in tears reading just the bits and pieces I did. We had definitely lost the "art of staying connected" and while I wasn't thinking "divorce," I was definitely thinking "how the hell can I get myself out of this situation?" I grit my teeth when I hear someone dismiss what happened last year as merely the "Seven Year Itch." Sure, it was an itch. One of those itches you might have if, while covered in chicken pox, you roll in a bed of poison ivy. This wasn't an itch--it was a full-on rash. The "Seven Year Hives" perhaps. And it could have happened to us at three years or thirteen years. It was a combination of so many things, many of which were little things that simply and quietly built up until they were big things, creating such turmoil in our lives that we were utterly ill-equipped to handle.
We're much, much better now--thanks in no small part to a very patient and kind therapist last fall who reminded me of why we liked each other so many years ago and what we needed to do to like each other again. She helped me remember what it meant to stay connected. (We opted not to go to couples counseling for a variety of reasons and while I'm sure it would have helped us, my going individually helped me heal many of the hurts I was nursing and get rid of lots of anger I had which in turn, helped our marriage. You know, because I wasn't a raging and/or crying lunatic and Paul would actually speak to me.) I can't speak for Paul but I know it's something I've been working on every day, sometimes to more success than others but I think that's true of any relationship. There are still some discussions that must be entered into delicately, making certain to use the "I statements" and to be cautious to avoid anything accusatory. But again, true of any relationship. I'm eternally grateful to the people who were put into my life, not only the therapist but some very wise and supportive friends, who helped us through a very long rough patch and gave us the skills and the knowledge to help us muddle through to our 8th anniversary, one we celebrated by actually talking and laughing and enjoying each other. And hopefully we'll still be muddling through as we celebrate anniversaries well into our golden years. Because when it comes down to it, in the end I definitely don't want to be without my top-priority relationship.
(And just in case, lucky numbers for today: 1, 5, 39, 33, and 49)
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