At least I didn't wake him up screaming**

I think I've hit the winter doldrums. I've tried writing several times only to end up staring at the keyboard and then the screen and then the keyboard again. It's like life is just one a big ho-hum right now.

Paul made it home Wednesday evening. After picking him up at the airport and having dinner, he realized he'd forgotten a suitcase at the airport. Apparently, my amazing packing skills are no match for his. I could fit two weeks of clothes into the suitcase to send him out to CA but he couldn't figure out how to make it fit back in it to head home. Luckily, we had put in an extra bag for a just in case. He's been going non-stop since he got home with a variety of work-related stuff. Can't go in to details here but it's going to be a hairy few months relating to the business of the business. He keeps saying everything will end up being better when it's all said and done and I'm really trying to believe him. It's just so disheartening to see this man I adore under so much stress and pressure and know that there's nothing I can do to help him.

Except make cookies. And keep a steady supply of chocolate in the house. I am nothing but helpful in the sweets department.

I think his stress is rubbing off on me a bit. I've taken to conversing/randomly doing things in my sleep. Wednesday night, shortly after Paul came to bed, I decided the ceiling fan needed to be turned on. Our light switches are wired one for lights and one for the fan. For the six years we've lived in this house, Paul almost always turns on the light first and then the fan because he can't remember which switch is which. So, Wednesday night, I'm trying to turn on the ceiling fan but hit the light switch first. And even in my sleep, I managed to get a little jab in and made fun of the fact that he always does the same thing. Of course, I didn't remember turning on the ceiling fan until Paul told me about how the events transpired on Thursday morning.

Last night, I heard Paul up--he was getting a drink in the bathroom. I decided that since he was up, I should be too. I put on my glasses and walked into the bathroom, ready to start the day. Wouldn't have been so bad except that it was only 1:30 a.m. And I was still asleep. I dutifully went back to bed when he told me to do so, continuing to sleep until the alarm went off some five hours later.

**A few years ago, Paul had been gone on a week-long business trip. His first night back, while sound asleep, I rolled over and felt him in the bed beside me. It scared me and I sat upright in the bed and started screaming. He jumped out of bed, fist drawn, ready to slug an intruder. Still asleep, I looked over, saw him, and laid back down. I hadn't fully woken up so I was back to sleep in no time. Paul, however, spent the next hour or so trying to calm his racing heart and get back to sleep. The next morning, I told Paul about my "crazy dream" in which I was screaming. It was then that he informed me that it had most definitely had not been a dream and that he really didn't appreciate being woken up that way. But it is something we can laugh about now.

He'll be happy when Paul is home as well

He was my cat for two years before Paul and I were married. I am now merely around for feeding him (and that's only because I get up before Paul). Any time Paul sits down on the couch, Jubjub is up on his lap in a matter of seconds. This is especially amusing when Paul wants to read or has the laptop out. That's when it becomes a battle of wills--the cat is nothing if not persistent in his pursuit of a little bit of lap. There have been days when Paul sits with his knees pulled up to his chest, pillows surrounding him, trying to read while the cat patiently sits near by, staring at Paul knowing that before too long Paul will cave and Jub will get just what he wants. And happily for both of us, Paul will be coming home this evening, two days earlier than originally planned.

(And the computer contraption in the background is the Paulvo--Paul's homemade Tivo. It worked great; it was just big and noisy. When he first set it up, he didn't have a flat-screen monitor but a 27" behemouth on the coffee table. Paul said he knew he'd broken my spirit when all I said about it was a request to be moved slightly to the left so I could still see the TV from the couch. The monitor and the Paulvo have both recently been replaced with a more streamlined and completely silent DVR.)

While the cat's away...

Paul is currently on a two-week business trip to California. He left last Monday and will be back next Friday. Because I'm employed (and actually like my job again) and the nature of the trip (testing a chip design at the Berkeley lab), it's not conducive to me tagging along on the trip. No worries--I'm nothing if not resourceful and I've been able to find ways to entertain myself.

Things I've done so far while Paul is out of town:

1. Stay up past my bedtime with no one to remind me that I should be in bed. The cat doesn't care--he loves that I'm up at midnight, hanging out with him.

2. Ignore the alarm clock for 30 minutes with no one to remind me that I need to get up (although the cat starts meowing after about 15 minutes because he thinks he needs food). This one is a direct corollary to staying up too late but it's been nice to snuggle in those extra minutes, even when it means I'm rushing to get out the door on time.

3. Go to town cleaning closets and loading up things to take to Goodwill. This is especially nice to do when Paul isn't around because he has an unnatural attachment to some of his clothes and other treasures. It's not been easy to get him to part with just a few of his many t-shirts but he'll never miss them if he doesn't know they're gone.

4. Finally, finally clean out the garage. When we remodeled the house 18 months ago, Paul had just quit his job to start the new company so all the boxes from his home office and his work office ended up in the garage during the remodel. Most of them have managed to get carted back upstairs and now reside in the closet of the new room. Eventually, I'll convince him to sort through them to toss, keep, and organize. In the meantime, I was able to tackle the mountain of boxes (mostly empty) that Paul was storing in the garage. One of the bigger boxes was full of the treasures from his 1993 Camry. The very car we sold over three years ago. Included in this box were a pair of jeans Paul could wear if he no longer required breathing, a pair of dress shoes circa 1991, mountains of papers dating between 1996 and 2002, a variety of tapes (including, much to my amusement, a single of Tag Team's "Whoomp! There it is") and about $3.82 in assorted change.

5. Eat crackers and cheese for dinner. At 4:30.

6. Watch anything I want on television without fear of him mocking me. Hello E! and The Hills on MTV.

7. Repaint the side table in the guest room.

8. Read. Read some more. Stay up too late reading a little bit more.

Still to do:

9. Recover the dining room chairs. I'm not a huge fan of upholstered dining room chairs but when we bought the table, Paul wanted them. So I've got them as long as I've got that table. Currently, they are a very neutral (and very blah) cream fabric. Today, I purchased a twill fabric that is a light sage/khaki color. It's not going to be a huge change but I think it will look nice. I can't decide if Paul will notice immediately or in June. Probably June.

10. Clean the ceiling fans. OK, I could do this when Paul is home but I haven't and it is something that needs to be done. Especially since Paul was tossing a little Frisbee thing around for the cat and hit the ceiling fan in living room. There's now a clump hanging precariously from one of the blades.

11. (And in more confessions on my housekeeping skills...) Clean and dust the office nook. Normally, Paul tells me to leave it and he'll clean/dust. His "dusting" is typically done with a can of compressed air. Fun but not very efficient.

12. We've been invited to go skiing next weekend. I haven't been in about 10 years and it would be fun to go again. I'll have to get some ski gear, though. I guess I can add shopping for ski pants to my list of things to do as well.

In addition to my list of things to do, I've got a few meetings next week that will take up part of the evenings. Paul arrives back home midday on Friday. Aside from the fact that I have been much more productive than normal, it's almost as if he never left. And here people were worried that I'd be bored and lonely while Paul was gone.

Sometimes, I'm able to move him out of the way and claim the place as my own

Through the joys of modern technology, we enjoy a fire on these cold nights with a flip of the switch. And when Paul is home, it a Battle Royale between the three of us as to who gets to claim the floorspace in front of the fireplace.

Toasty

While we haven't been as cold as parts of the country, this recent bout of winter has definitely made me long for the warmer days of spring. Or even temperatures in the more moderate normal winter range. Because it's hard to argue when the normal temperature for January is 45. This below-freezing and snowy stuff is for the birds.

I think I found the solution to my chilly woes. And paired with one of these.* With all that fluff and fur, I'd never be cold again.

Growing up, my sisters and I would beg our parents for something from the Overland Sheepskin Co. We would stop at the store on family ski trips to Taos but our pleading, begging, and whining was always in vain. Each stop always resulted in us leaving empty-handed. When my oldest nephew was born some 15 years ago, my dad bought a pair of shearling booties for Preston to enjoy while in the 0-3 month range. That purchase caused my younger sister and I to flounce as only teenaged girls can flounce. We huffed, we puffed, we pouted, we glared, we gave the silent treatment. It was all in vain as nary a shearling scrap was purchased for us. I think we're both still a little bitter about that.

Fifteen years later, I decided there are some advantages to being a grown-up:

Being able to buy my own sheepskin slippers and have warm toes is just one of them.

*And I actually own a shearling hat but it doesn't include any large fur cuff. It is much more understated bucket hat. Very unflashy.