Eh.
Depending upon who I'm talking to, my answer to those questions vary. Usually, it's a simple "Yes, we're excited but we don't have names yet." For those people who actually know Paul pretty well, the answer is a bit more complicated.
Yes, we're happy about the upcoming arrival to our house but that happiness is definitely tempered with other feelings as well. Paul still gets a completely overwhelmed stressed look on his face whenever Baby is mentioned. It doesn't help that work is incredibly stressful for him right now. There were a series of mistakes on a project make by some of his coworkers that Paul is now dealing with making right. Baby is pretty much the least of his worries right now. And, yeah, I can't say that he's totally happy about becoming a father. He was never 100% certain about wanting to be a dad--this was my idea that he went along with. Like he said, he could have done something to stop it so it's not that he's completely opposed to the thought. I think he'll get on board pretty quick when the little one arrives but if you mention it to him now, he pretty much looks like he's going to throw up.
Needless to say, I'm not really pushing the subject of baby names or nursery decorations or any of that. No, we're not walking around pretending I'm not pregnant but it's definitely not the center of every conversation we have. There are plenty of other things to fill our conversations. Entire evenings will go by when we've talked about work stuff, things we heard on the news, funny things we read with no mention of Baby. Pretty much what we've done for the past 10 years. I don't think that's so odd, is it? Life goes on. I would get a totally overwhelmed stressed look on my face if I had to talk about Baby all the time.
We have talked about how things will change once there is a little one around. I don't knock the decisions other people make in raising their children. I think everyone does what they believe is best for their child and their situation. I will say I've never understood our friends who refuse to leave their child with any non-familial babysitter especially since their families are both in the South. It's been hard to maintain/grow a friendship since we so rarely do anything with them because of their kids. And they aren't bad kids; just always there. They've had some offers of babysitters from people I would totally trust--and really when Baby goes to bed at 6:00, all you're doing is paying someone to watch TV while you go to dinner. I can still remember having babysitters when I was little--not often so it was a big deal when we had one. We'd get to eat exotic food like fish sticks and French fries or chicken pot pies. That was such a cool thing that I still remember it over 25 years later.
One of Paul's coworkers who has grown children told him that she really wished she'd gotten/said yes to more help when her kids were little. I'm all for that--part of my big cleaning fit right now is to clear out stuff so we can hire a housekeeper without feeling embarrassed by our loads of treasures. Plus, I don't think Baby will be scarred if we get a high school girl to come hang out for an hour or two so Paul and I can have some grown-up time even if it's just to go to Target. I've got fabulous friends who have already said that they'll babysit. I love and trust these people and would have no qualms about leaving my child in their care. And I've already told them that they better not be joking because I'm already planning on that. Not every week but why not the occasional date night? Baby will get to hang out with some cool people that will ply him full of sugar and hugs and kisses.
There has been one funny exchange in which the true, goofy Paul was shown when discussing Baby. On Wednesday evening, we were talking and I told Paul that I had forgotten to tell him something from Monday's sonogram visit. While it doesn't mean our child is exceptional or anything like that, he was already practicing using his diaphragm. On the sonogram, you could see him "breathing" and his chest moving in and out. Paul, in mock seriousness, told me, "Well, of course he is already breathing. Did you expect us to have a child who was AVERAGE?"
I think everything is going to be just fine.
4 comments:
God gives us approximately nine months to prepare for a reason. :)
Carrie, I will tell you that Craig and I both planned and thought that we were so ready to have a baby and when I found out I was pregnant, you coulda heard a pin drop for a second. Craig was looking at "car porn" as we call it trying to find his dream corvette and I come and drop the bombshell that we will NOT be buying that car. Instead, we will be having a baby. Craig showed little excitement until Gracie came into the world and then I will always remember his silliy giggle when they ripped her from my body. He has never been the same since. I will say this much, make Paul change as many diapers as possible...I didn't make Craig and I have paid the consequence for that...
Oh, and you have plenty of time to figure out a name...trust me. And it's best not to share your name with others just so you don't have to hear their critisism when you change it for the 100th time. Trust me on that one...
We were seriously NOT in baby mode when I discovered I was pregnant with Brooke. Roger's reaction? A shot of Jack Daniels at dinner. It was a rocky 9 months of some serious apprehension and stress on his part. But when I tell people that now (that didn't know us before the kids) they are shocked at the fact that he never wanted kids (and he was quite adament about that from the get go). You'll both get there. At least we did. Oh, and I whole heartedly agree with Christi on the name thing. No one knew either of our kid's names until they were born. For that matter, neither did we. We went in with two girl names for each one of the girls and picked when we saw them. No one ever makes comments about not liking that name after the baby is already named it. But they sure don't hesitate to chime in before!
All new parents are stressed when expecting. (even if you are only expecting a phone call) You and Paul will be fine. After all, you both come from stable families who didn't screw YOU up too bad.
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